WIGGUM DAILY

 

The latest yawn-fest PC v Mac commercials would indicate that Apple has run out of things to say about it’s own PC hardware products ( yes - Macs are PC’s too). Instead they are continuing down the "PC’s are Evil" road.  I’m sure this approach goes down well with the zealot fan base who laugh mockingly down their noses at the poor old non-Mac computer users.  But you have to ask yourself as a PC user (which over 90% reading this will be), do you enjoy being made fun of ? Being ridiculed and made to feel stupid and small for your choice of computer hardware ?  Do these ads make you want to leave your PC out on the kerb on rubbish day and trot off to the local Apple store with a suitcase full of cash. No, they make you want to punch the crap out of the smarmy little brat playing the Mac PC.

 

Sure the early ads were clever, humorous and poked fun at the many foibles of Windows and the PC’s it runs on.  We all got a chuckle watching those.  But a monkey could have written those ads, it was like shooting fish in a barrel, even Apple would admit that.  As the campaign has progressed it’s spiralled down from the heights of witty and clever to become a little embarrassing frankly.

 

I‘m not going into a whole debate and article about the actual facts of Windows PC’s versus Mac OS.X PC’s.  We all know the score there. I’ll cover that in a future article. For now we’ll let the Apple Reality Distortion Field carry on unabated.

 

As if we needed more proof that the message has become lost along the way from initial campaign conception to the current implementation of today… What is supposed to be the "take-away" from this ?  That things never change ?  Really… that’s all you’ve got left in the ideas tank. Maybe things would have changed if Bill Gates hadn’t taken out his wallet and chipped in a lazy US$150M, back in 1997 to save Apple from sliding off into oblivion.

 

 

Time to get a new PR firm Apple.  One with a new message. One that promotes YOUR products, not simply taking pot shots at easy targets, ie: the +90% of the worlds computer users that don’t use your hardware.  I’m sure you’re paying them a tidy sum to pump out this tired boring warmed over idea. You deserve to get value for your money…

 

 

 

This is the yang part of today’s Yin-and-Yang of whale related posts.  Designed to balance out the destruction and gory’ness of the previous posts in our triumvirate whale series.

 

 

This is the first in a three-part FEATURE on WHALES. Sort of a yin-yang-yin thing really. The two "yin" pieces are from the archives of the internet. In fact item #2 was one of the first videos I ever saw on the internet, back in 1995 when it took the best part of a whole day to download over a 28.8Kbps dial-up modem. Remember dial-up…    Anyway, I digress.

 

 

Back on Saturday January 17th, 2004 a 17m SPERM WHALE weighing about 60,000kg beached itself for no apparent reason on the southwest coastal shores of the Tawainese island of TAINAN.  Marine biologists from nearby NATIONAL CHENG KUNG UNIVERSITY  decided that they would like to make the most of this rare zoological specimen that had presented itself to them.  So they organised for it to be transported by truck from the beach to their research facility where they could do there work. 

 

All sounds fine and dandy so far.  What could go wrong ?  Well, like most dead mammals, whales decompose and a by product of this natural  decomposition are a number of gases that build up inside the body cavity. This is the bloating we see in dead things at the side of the road as we whizz by at 100km/h, thankful it wasn’t our car that ended the life of that kangaroo, wombat or European backpacker.

 

So they loaded the whale carcass onto the truck.  Details of this part are sketchy at best. Presumabley it required large amounts of grunting and "one.. two.. three.. LIFT !!!"  The problem for the people of Tainan island occurred when the whale laden truck was travelling through the busy streets of the downtown districts.  Why plot a route that goes through a built up urban environment you might ask ? Well I did some further research and there are reasons.

 

Firstly, the whale washed up on the south-west coast of the island. The university is on the eastern side of the island. So in order to get from A to B you have to go through some towns. Also, unconfirmed reports indicate that the truck was only rented for the day by the university and they had to get it back before 5pm or risk losing the $50 deposit. Further unconfirmed sources say the driver of the truck had just recently purchased a fancy new Navman GPS Navigation device and it also told him the fastest way to get a whale from A to B was through the streets of the commercial district.

 

Whatever the reasons are, and were not here to condemn any Wan, you can click on the pics below to see just what happens when the pressure of decompositional gases inside a dead whale overcomes the structural integrity of the rotting carcass… 

 

  

 

If you missed PART #1 then click HERE.

 

 

Our second item is of interest both for the story itself and the origins of it’s arrival into cyberspace. Possibly the first ever internet VIRAL VIDEO, the clip first appeared in 1991 on the computer BULLETIN BOARDS that were a pre-cursor to the WORLD WIDE WEB that we know today. The events it reports on actually took place some 21 years earlier in November 1970 on a beach near the pacific north-west coastal town of FLORENCE, OREGON in the USA.

 

For many years stories and rumours of an exploding whale were thought to be an urban legend, until the video news footage below surfaced in 1991 after first being reported on in a 1990 article by syndicated humour columnist DAVE BARRY in the MIAMI HERALD newspaper, which in turn brought the events to widespread public attention.  From here it continued to float around cyberspace, finding it’s way onto the WWW, once that was invented in the mid 1900’s.  Flash forward to the present day,  where fast internet connections and the emergence of online video sharing services have ensured that the "exploding whale video" is more prevalent today than ever before.

 

Now to the meat of our story. (pun intended)  A large dead whale washed up on the local beach. Originally reported as being a GREY WHALE, but later determined by marine biologists to be a SPERM WHALE about 14m long.  It was also decided that disposal and clean up of the giant mammal came under the umbrella of the OREGON HIGHWAY DIVISION.  Here’s where the problem starts as I see it.  Dale Allen, the departments Chief Engineer was away on a hunting trip at the time, so the operation was entrusted to a young deputy engineer George Thornton, featured in the video.

 

George, after consulting with some sources in the US Navy, possibly from the "Large Missiles Dept", decided it would be best to EXPLODE the whale into millions of tiny pieces, which would in turn be further processed and redistributed back into nature by seagulls and other such scavenger birds. Sounds good so far right.  Well, call it neivety, or just youthful enthusiasm on the part of George, but I reckon there’s a certain look in his eyes when interviewed in the video that says to me  "Yeah, I’m gonna BLOW the HECK out of this whale… show him who’s boss…  and there ain’t a darn thing Dale can do to stop me". That’s just my reading of the situation.  Either that or Georges brother was the local dynamite distributor.

 

In fact, I’m going to as far as to speculate that George and his brother Rory (actual existence to be confirmed) got together over a few beers early in the week, when the whale first appeared and thought "Yup…. reckon we could totally blow that thing up man… it’d be COOL"  I mean think about it.  Why else was the state’s HIGHWAY DIVISION getting involved in something happening on a BEACH.  Surely the mater of a dead whale on a beach comes under the jurisdiction of the Dept of Nature, The Parks Dept or at very least the local chapter of BayWatch.  I know it was 1970 and they’re all still getting over the hazy effects of the 60’s, but seriously, what were these guys smoking back then to leave George in charge. 

 

So anywhoo…. they rigged up the explosives, stood back,

pressed the plunger…. and you can see the rest for yourself…

 

 

 

You won’t see these clips on your sanitised nightly TV News bulletins. This is the reality of the so-called WAR on TERROR in Iraq. Real people being killed with real bullets and real bombs everyday.

 

It’s hard to know how to describe the FACES OF THE FALLEN website, produced and maintained by the WASHINGTON POST newspaper. In one regard, it’s a brilliant, well designed tribute to the men and women, many of them just 18yo and 19yo, who have been KILLED while on military duty in Iraq and Afghanistan.  On the other hand, that such a site has a need to exist makes it sad and depressing.

 

Larry has not left his bed, let alone his fifth floor apartment in over ten years.  Weighing a colossal 320kg, Larry is too big even for robes or gowns, let alone clothes. Instead he spends his days virtually naked, slowly eating himself towards death. Larry is addicted to food, consuming over 14,000 calories in an average day.  More than six times what is recommended for an adult male. You have to watch this story (below) to truly appreciate how seriously MESSED UP this whole situation is. 

 

• Where does the MONEY come from to PAY for all this food ?
• How STRONG is the TOILET in Larry’s apartment ?
• How does Larry even REACH around to wipe ?
• When was the last time Larry saw his FEET ?
• When does this situation go from being just a "funny" story with giggling relatives to a MEDICAL and HUMAN WELFARE issue. 
• When does someone step in and say "Enough-is-enough, I cannot stand by any longer and watch you people KILL this man. He needs medical help to treat a serious addiction."